Navigating Heathrow

You've got to be kidding me: Europe's busiest airport does not have a single express mail service counter! Yup, I was expected to easily locate an express mail service (e.g. DHL, Fedex) at Heathrow and from there, mail a package to Monte Carlo, but Heathrow was not sender-friendly at all. Option #1, according to the airport's information desk, was a one-day courier service at 40 quids (for 3 DVDs and a written letter), and the courier counter was not to open until 9am, less than 1.5 hours before my international departure. Worse, the courier counter was located in Terminal 2, a full 15-minute walk to the security check point at Terminal 3, where my gate was. The gate was another 10-minute walk once I were to cross the security check point, meaning that I would have gone down to the wire had I opted for the 40-quid courier.

So instead, I opted for option #2. At 7:15am (3 hours before my departure) I called up a friend, a hotshot DHL executive based in Brussels, who promised that I should be able to deposit my package at the sorting location inside Heathrow's cargo terminal, something that the info desk service agent suggested but could not vouch for. But in order for me to get there, I had to first take a 10-minute train to Terminal 4, and then a public bus from T4 to the cargo terminal. From there, I were to walk another 15 minutes before reaching the far end of the cargo terminal, where DHL held court. Alternatively, I could have taken a cab, but after talking to three cabbies I was convinced that cabbies were either clueless about the cargo terminal's whereabouts or not interested at all in navigating into the dumpster area of Middlesex/Hounslow. When I finally arrived at the cargo terminal I was dismayed to find out -- in a somewhat expected moment of self-deprecating schadenfreude -- the DHL sorting location would not accept my package. Now, at 8:40am I was faced with the daunting task of running the length of the cargo terminal, waiting for the public bus, taking the public bus back to T4, taking the train back to T3, running from T3 to T2, mailing my package at the expensive courier service counter a la option #1, running back to T3, making across security and immigration, and running to the gate. I must have covered 4 to 5 miles, at least 1 of them fumbling with my backpack and my suit bag barely attaching to my moving body...at the end, I made it to the gate as the second last person to board, just a tad ahead of a drunk Brit who appeared to have just left the pub and, had he not been assisted by an airline agent, he would probably have still been lying piss-drunk somewhere in Heathrow.

My package was mailed out and finally delivered, but not before my adventurous detour to the cargo terminal. The package was delivered on time (it was a submission to a film festival in Monte Carlo), and hopefully the DVDs were able to play despite having drenched in my sweat and desperation.

Addendum #1: DHL and Fedex, when are you going to set up shop in Heathrow?

Addendum #2: Hotshot executives may know a thing or two about fat checks and corporate dining rooms, but most certainly not sorting locations at aviation cargo terminals.